Housekeeping
by ArtemisMS
Summary: Renji x Byakuya. Renji has this great idea for them to "get away" for awhile in a beautiful, rustic cabin in the woods. Problem? There are no servants. Taichou is not pleased!


Renji whistled to himself as he hiked back from the stream, fishing pole over his shoulder, tackle box in one hand and cooler in the other. He'd asked Byakuya if he'd wanted to come with him, but his taichou had steadfastly refused. Renji knew better by now than to try and get the older shinigami to do anything he didn't want to, so he'd simply shrugged, kissed him good morning, and rolled out of bed to get ready.

He hadn't exactly expected Byakuya to get up after him and, you know, fix his lunch or anything. But it still made him sigh a little, the way he just rolled over, burying his noble head back into the pillows and falling instantly asleep again.

It's not like he wished his taichou were a girl. And even so, he wasn't the kind of guy who expected women to do that sort of thing—hell, he had _Rukia_ for a best friend, so he sure as hell knew better than to even THINK about shit like that, let alone say it out loud. But he knew from talking to some of his other friends who'd been in long term relationships that lovers were supposed to help each other out at times … you know, do all those little sweet things that said "I love you" or whatever, like leaving notes for each other and signing them "xoxo." Sure, Byakuya left him notes, but they were always work related, and NEVER signed "xoxo." Once, in a fit of uncharacteristic fancy, Renji had added the little "xoxo" himself, right beneath his taichou's elegant signature. But it just hadn't felt the same.

He paused in his whistling, smiling as he finally approached the little cabin on the hill, smoke rising steadily from the chimney. The whole property belonged to Ukitake-taichou … or rather, his family, anyway. Once he'd learned that they'd determined to take a vacation together—well, all right, it was more like Renji was determined, and Byakuya had irritably given in, after weeks and weeks of incessant pleading—he was quick to offer up the use of his personal lodge.

"It has served me many years," he'd said, his expression warm, placid smile in place. "I often go there when I wish to be alone. I'm sure you two will enjoy it very much."

Renji had thanked the 13th division captain profusely, his mind already swimming with visions of rustic goodness, camping out together under the stars, making love on the cool grass, counting fireflies together… Meanwhile, beside him, Byakuya had only twitched. But his taichou was awful twitchy these days, especially when it came to Rukia and that idiot Ichigo, so he didn't think much of it.

Now, on retrospect, he probably should've.

He wasn't sure what exactly made him think Byakuya would enjoy a week out in the woods. Oh, sure, the cabin had all the creature comforts: heating, cooling, flush toilets, hot water, everything. But there was one thing it most certainly did _not_ have. It didn't come with a single, solid servant.

"Renji," Byakuya had pronounced that first morning, his cold voice imperious as he held up an off-white yukata. "My clothes are wrinkled."

Renji had just shrugged, glancing briefly up from his magazine to take note of the offending garment. "So? Who's gonna care, way out here?"

Byakuya had looked at him as if he were some sort of depraved lunatic.

The same thing had happen at noon, when Renji had served them a cold lunch, wanting to whip up something fast so they could head down to explore the valley that day.

"I prefer my lunch warm," he'd said, gazing down in faint distaste at the bowl that was placed before him.

"Sorry," Renji had replied, in between quick mouthfuls of noodles. "Just pop it in the oven for a few minutes, I guess."

Byakuya had glanced at the oven as though it were from another dimension before quietly picking up his spoon.

But, well, while it was true his taichou may have seemed a little out of place here, at least he _had_ managed to relax a little. He only talked about work for the first couple days, but then he eventually stopped. In the evenings, they mostly read, lounging in front of the fire, but once Renji actually managed to convince him to go down to the nearby lake and do a little skinny-dipping. And last night, he let him give him a massage, something he had never let him do before, claiming it was the proper job of a servant, not a lover.

"But I want to," Renji had insisted, smiling as he wrapped his arms around the slighter man, hugging him close. "Please? Plus I promise to make it a happy ending." He grinned, already getting a bit horny. "I bet your servants never fuck you afterward, huh?"

The look his lover leveled at him then was positively chilling.

"Sorry," he'd quipped. "Make love." Byakuya didn't like words like "fuck" … well, except when they were actually fucking.

He was grinning again as he walked up towards the cabin, just thinking about last night. But then as he got closer, he started to smell something strange, almost like … like something was burning. Quickly, he glanced up at the chimney, but everything seemed normal … then he suddenly noticed the amount of black smoke that was pouring out from the kitchen window.

He dropped his pole and tackle box and sprinted the rest of the way.

"Byakuya!!" he cried, slamming open the front door, his eyes gazing frantically around, searching for his lover.

The sight that greeted him instantly subsided his panic.

Byakuya was standing in the kitchen in a day kimono, sleeves rolled all the way up to his shoulders. His hair was pinned back in a ponytail, and he even had one of Renji's kerchiefs wrapped around his forehead. One hand was covered in an oven mitt. The other held a large stirring spoon, the end of which was decidedly burnt, the wooden tip blackened beyond recognition.

His expression was one of utter frustration.

"Um," said Renji. It was like there was so much to say, that it would just be too impossible to begin.

Byakuya looked at him, breathing in and out, a couple of stray hairs having escaped from his kerchief. "I am trying to fix you dinner," he said steadily, though his voice was tinged with rising impatience. "But the appliances are not cooperating."

"I see that," Renji said, his eyes shifting over to the bubbling pot of … something … currently spilling over onto the stove.

He looked around, his brow furrowing. "What's with the house?"

Byakuya was still looking at him. "I cleaned."

Renji blinked. "Oh."

He had never seen one room in such a dilapidated state of disaster. Discarded dust rags were everywhere, along with piles of paper, a dirty mop, stacks of books in various corners … and even a pile of wood, which he must have brought in from outside, to make up the fire, but had for some reason set down right on the living room floor rug.

He nodded slowly. "Looks good."

"It took me all day. I did nothing else."

Renji nodded more vigorously, eyes scanning the mess. "Yeah. Yeah, I can tell."

Their eyes finally met, across the small kitchen and living room. Renji just stared at his lover, taking in his frazzled state of dress, the loosened ponytail, the weary expression. His lips twitched.

Byakuya's lips twitched back.

"Geez!" he finally burst out, already starting to chuckle as he hurried over to the kitchen. "Just look at you!"

Byakuya sighed and suffered himself to be hugged, his nose wrinkling ever so slightly. "Renji. You smell like fish."

"Nope," Renji quipped. "That's the fish." He still held the small cooler in one hand, so he set it down before hastily moving over to relieve the stove of whatever awful burden was soiling its once gleaming top.

"What was it supposed to be?" he asked, picking up a spoon and ladling some up to bring to his nose, sniffing carefully. He made a face before quickly dropping it back in.

"I don't know." When Renji looked up at him in surprise, his expression remained characteristically blank. "I thought I could be creative. But it seems clear that I have not been gifted in the culinary arts."

Renji chuckled. "Well, at least not for _human_ consumption." He turned the fire off, then found a couple potholders so he could bring the pot to the sink and empty its steaming contents down the drain. He used a strainer to catch the solid stuff, then brought that over to the trash bin, tapping it against the side to get it all out.

"All right," he muttered, turning to face the equally messy kitchen, rubbing his hands absently together. "No sense cleaning up until we've eaten. How about I just grill the fish up?"

Byakuya just nodded, his lips slightly pursed.

Renji frowned a little, looking at him. Then he realized, smiling. "Aww." He walked over to him, putting his arms around him and pulling him close again, resting his forehead briefly against that pale blue kerchief. "It's okay. I know you were trying. That's what counts."

Byakuya remained silent.

Renji pulled away a bit, looking down into his eyes. "Aw, c'mon, Taichou. Don't be all upset." He grinned, hooking his arms around him once more and sort of swaying their bodies together. "How about after dinner I give you another one of those massages? You know…" He wiggled his brow, black tattoos going up and down. "The kind with the happy ending."

That seemed to shake the slighter man from his thoughts.

"No," he said, pulling away, reaching up to pull the kerchief free from his hair. "It would be uncivilized to engage in such activities before dinner."

Renji barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

"Furthermore," Byakuya continued, "it would in no way bring about the desired conclusion for the task I have set myself to complete today." He arched a thin, black brow up at his lover.

Renji frowned down at him. "Oh," he said. He reached up, scratching his nose. "Yeah, I'm not following you here, Taichou."

"I think that you should cook the fish. And then," the older man added, his voice calm, "I will give _you_ a massage."

Renji's eyes widened.

Byakuya just stared at him. The longer their gazes remained locked, the brighter the two spots of color appeared on his cheeks.

Then Renji just grinned. "Cool," he said. He had to actually shift, already sporting a little action under his hakama. "Okay. Sounds like a plan." He leaned forward and planted a kiss on the older man's pink cheek, then turned and picked up the cooler, pausing to pull out the cutting board before starting to work on the fish.

Byakuya watched him for a moment before turning and heading out of the room, making for the hallway. "In the meantime," he called out over his shoulder, "I'll just tidy up the bedroom."

Renji's head snapped up. "What?!"

Byakuya just smiled to himself.


End file.
